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If you're doing something - thank you!

5/31/2019

4 Comments

 
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It's wonderful to hear, see and feel the heightened awareness of climate and pollution issues over the past few months (at least here in the UK). Thanks to David Attenborough everyone is aware of the plastic issue and changes are being implemeted at a goverment, local and personal level. The Extinction Rebellion is an awesome movement that is highlighting awareness of some crucial issues. Gretna Thunberg, the Swedish teenager is inspiring young and old with her passionate pleas. There is a lot to celebrate and be grateful for! While life on Gaia is in seriously threatened, it is wonderful to see people's concern coming to the fore and changes being implemented.

Sometimes we may feel deep sadness as a result of the devastation that is happening on Gaia. We may feel despondant and hopeless at the level of destruction and greed that continues to escalate. Or we may feel overwhelmed, powerless and frustrated. Yet, there is so much beauty and magic in our world, so much to appreciate. While it's important to process fear, anger or other associated feelings that may arise as a result of the current chaos, we need to find a balance as opposed to getting lost in the despair and negativity. It can be helpful to find and focus on the positive elements too.

We don't need to do everything or feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation, rather implement the things that feel most important to us. Make one little choice in this moment, take one step at a time. Perhaps the biggest contribution we can make is to reduce consumption, though this article isn't for suggesting what to do, there's plenty of information to be found about that. It's about encouraging us to feel into our own hearts and make conscious choices in how we live our lives and celebrate the positive impact we can achieve. Living from our hearts we shine a light that brightens up the whole world.

Thank you!

The Universee often guides me to relevant material when I am writing something and today I came across this quote in an article by Mary O Malley that seemed apt "You are a necessary and unique expression of life. In this time of chaos on this planet, one of the most powerful things you can do to become a healing presence is to know that you are essential and needed. Or, as Eckart Tolle once said, “You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold. That is how important you are.”" Thank you for being here and contributing your unique and beautiful self to the world.
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Gratitude has been shown to be corelated to joy. Let's be grateful for all the positive things that are happening all around us every day. A friend sent me this quote by an unknown author -

"To the person who uses metal straws to save fish, but comsumes animals, I'd like to say thank you. To the vegan who isn't aware of our homelessness problem, thank you. To the climate change activists who aren't attentive to fast fashion, thank you. To the girl who gives her old clothes to the disadvantaged but isn't educated on sex trafficking, thank you. To the guy who picks up rubbish on his way home from a surf but isn't well-informed about male suicide rates, thank you.

To the grandparents who knit socks for sick children but aren't up to date with current race and homophobic issues, thank you. To the students that stand up for bullying but are unaware of the constant domestic violence epidemie, thank you. To the peace activists, feminists, stray dog adopters, teachers, volunteers, foster carers, recyclers, givers, doers and believers, I say thank you. We are all on a different path and we all see through different eyes. Current world issues that you are passionate about, aren't always what other people are trying to change... and that's okay. It's not everyone's job to save every part of the world but it it everyone's responsibility to thank every person who is doing THEIR part to save the world. Don't criticize, just appreciate. Don't judge, just educate. We are all trying our best. Thank you."


A heartfelt thank you to everyone who is making a positive contribution to life, no matter how small that contribution may seem. If you haven't already heard the inspirational story of the little boy saving starfish, you can read it here in an article about how to best be of service. Jaya Bhagavan, has been translated as "Hail God" or "Victory to God". Recently my friend Jane shared how she sees "Jaya Bhagavan" as a prayer of gratitude or appreciation for the "God" within everything. We can contemplate on all that we appreciate in this precious life. Jaya trees, Jaya friends, Jaya bees, Jaya river... Here is a beautiful rendetion of Jaya Bhagavan to touch your heart. I offer it here as a prayer of gratitude...
With gratitude for what you do to take care of our precious Gaia and the sentient beings that are here, Fiona
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Fiona is an Active Listening therapist, reflexologist, and experienced doula. She is passionate about living true to her heart and soul and empowering others to do the same. She holds retreats at her home in Scotland and runs various workshops related to the vibrancy of conscious plant based eating and women's issues including being childless/free and loves joining women in circle. Her website is www.fionareilly.co.uk or click here for her facebook page - True Living

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4 Comments

How to feel better?

5/19/2019

0 Comments

 
Feeling better is not about feeling good (sorry to disappoint those of you who may have been looking for a magic feel great recipe) Feeling better is about feeling what we are experiencing in a better way. It's easy to distract ourselves with so many things.

The challenges we experience arise as an opportunity to heal and more forward on our life's path. If we deny or surpress our difficulties they are likely to arise again or be triggered in a different format.

0 Comments

Finding Love Within

2/11/2019

6 Comments

 
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The only place we can find true and enduring love is within ourselves. Often it can be easier to love others than to love ourselves. The love that you give to others, can you find it for yourself? Are you able to accept yourself as the wonderful, loving being that you are? How can we truly love another if we don't love ourselves? Sometimes we can be unkind and critical of ourselves, however it is the times when we are gentle, compassionate and loving that we find the most joy and fulfillment in life. Let's love ourselves more and increase the joy in the world.

When we find the love within ourselves it naturally flows out from us to others and into the world around us. Do you recognise that feeling of joy and lightness when you fall in love? The world seems brighter and you feel more alive! However falling in love isn't really about the other person, it's about what they evoke within us. The love, joy and feelings we experience belong to us, though they are brought to the fore by our reflection in the other person or through a beautiful landscape or with appreciating the miracles of life.
"If you listen closely, you will discover that romantic love it isn’t where you discover true and lasting love. The kind of love you truly long for is found inside of you as you discover how to meet yourself in our own heart."
Mary O Malley
So how might we gratify our heart's longing for love and acceptance, for each of us the answers will be different. Can we free ourselves to fall in love with our own beautiful selves? Can we be gentle, loving and accepting of who we are (warts 'n all)? What aspects of living might help to evoke these feelings of joy and lightness from within? For me, it's being in nature, sitting quietly to meditate, intimacy with a partner, connecting with close friends, watching a baby and so much more... Every moment offers us the opportunity to open up to love.

From a young age we frequently create stories about how we are not good enough or unlovable. Hollywood and society in general has conditioned us to look for love outside of ourselves in a romantic partner that sweeps us off our feet! And we take on the burden of making ourselves perfect to gain this love. Yet we can never be perfect in that sense, we all have imperfections to help us learn and grow. It's liberating to accept ourselves in our imperfections. Finding the love within helps us to heal ourselves, our relationships and our world.
“When you are able to love yourself deeply, you can be kind to others.”
Debasish Mridha
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I often receive synchronicities and messages from the Universe and yesterday I came across a ladybird at an auspicious location. One of the messages of ladybird medicine which felt apt is that "As fear cannot exist amongst joy, the ladybug brings a message of promise, for they get us back in touch with the joy of living – we must let go of our fears and go back to our roots, to love." (www.shamanicjourney.com) Letting go of our fears is a life long journey, though with courage, gentleness and compassion we can find our way back to love.
How can you be more loving, kind and gentle with yourself today? How would it be to love and accept yourself exactly as you are, warts 'n all?
I leave you with a an old classic from three love legends - "'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all"
With love from my heart to yours, may you find your love within,

Fiona
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Fiona is an Active Listening therapist, reflexologist, and experienced doula. She is passionate about living true to her heart and soul and empowering others to do the same. She runs various workshops related to the vibrancy of conscious plant based eating and women's issues including being childless/free and loves joining women in circle. Her website is www.fionareilly.co.uk or click here for her facebook page - True Living

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6 Comments

Presence - it's the best gift of all

12/15/2018

0 Comments

 
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This Festive Season, the gift I wish to be, to receive and give to others is my Presence. By presence I mean the ability to be totally in the moment, here and now, and it incorporates a heightened sense of awareness. When we are present and in the moment, we can accept what is and nothing needs to change. We are connected to the Universal Energy which is much greater than our selves. We may feel expanded, free and at peace.

When we are present rightness just is, we often can see our situation from a different perspective. It allows us to intuitively know where to put our attention and come back into alignment and balance regardless of what is going in our lives. However, when there is fear or doubt or the rational mind creeps in, then we loose presence and begin thinking or anticipating. It's not easy to be present all the time, often we forget or get lost in the drama of everyday life. Some days I am hardly present at all, I am planning future possibilities or thinking about the past or absorbed by emotions. We allow conditioning or my ego to take over. However, the wonderful thing is that every time we remember, we have the opportunity to return to the present moment and embrace the awesome gift that life is.

By becoming increasingly present we live from a more authentic and true place, it is easier to become aware of when we are acting through distorted patterning or conditioning. It encourages us to soften and to be more loving and compassionate towards ourselves and others. Our willingness to be present is a gift not only to ourselves but also to those around us, in the words of Thich Nhat Hanh "When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?” In my therapy work, the more present I am the greater my connection with the Universal energy. From here anything I need to be aware of or do simply arises via my “intuition”, which is much wiser than my “small mind”. This video with Eckart Tolle and Oprah Winfrey illustrates the value of remaining present and in the here and now, Eckart says “Be true to life by being true to this moment” and that’s True Living!!!!

How might we be more present?

There are numerous methods and mindful techniques that encourage us to be more present. For me, I find being in a quiet place and bringing attention to my body is helpful. Anywhere and anytime just bringing my awareness to my body can help bring me into presence. The simple intention to be present is very powerful and can instantly bring us to the here and now. Connecting with nature, focussing on your breath, letting go of thoughts or noticing your immediate environment are others things that can help us to come into this moment.

Perhaps set aside some time every day to sit quietly and meditate, stick up post it notes as a reminder to come into this moment, journal your experiences or find some books or resources that might support you. When with others, rather than just listening to their words and reacting, truly listen, maybe empathetically observe what is happening, notice your love and compassion for them. Our lives can be very full and busy which is not conducive to being present, hence slowing down, taking time out and engaging with what brings us joy can facilitate more presence in our lives. You may find other things that work well for you, trust whatever resonates. It can take practice and patience, so be gentle with yourself.


The gift of your Presence

This Festive Season, rather than (or as well as) offering traditional gifts to those you love and care about, why not also give them your Presence. Your time, tenderness and compassion is the best gift they can receive. When you are more connected to yourself, it is easier to connect with others. Thich Nhat Hanh stated “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” In our Western world which is swamped by consumerism and busy-ness, the gift of presence is something we can all appreciate. Rumi comments on how Presence is worth more than anything that money can buy "I never really cared for the things of this world. It was the glow of Your Presence that filled it with beauty."

I'd love to hear of your experience and what Presence means to you?

May the beauty of your Presence bring light to the world this Solstice and midwinter season, you are a blessing in the world and the world is grateful that you are here fulfilling your purpose.

With love and blessings, Fiona

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Fiona is an Active Listening therapist, reflexologist, and experienced doula. She is passionate about living true to her heart and soul and empowering others to do the same. She runs various workshops related to the vibrancy of conscious plant based eating and women's issues including being childless/free and loves joining women in circle. Her website is www.fionareilly.co.uk or click here for her facebook page - True Living

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Tips for effective listening

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Tips for Effective Listening

7/30/2018

2 Comments

 
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The gift of being heard is something really precious. Having someone listen attentively to our expression or story is very healing and can enable us find our own understanding, acceptance, balance and joy again. Listening sounds like a very simple thing and indeed it is, yet many of us struggle to listen effectively. Being a good listener requires being present and fully attentive to the other. It is not about offering advice or fixing anything or making the other feel better, it's simply being there and paying attention.

"Whatever life we have experienced, if we can tell our story to someone who listens, we find it easier to deal with our circumstances." Margaret J. Wheatley

Four tips for Effective Listening

So how might we listen more effectively... there are many things that can help! Below I outline four suggestions that I have found to be fundamental to good listening.

Be Present - Initially, it is vital to be present and with the speaker, to give them our full attention. If possible find a quiet place for a listening exchange where you are unlikely to be disturbed. Turn off phones and any background noise. Honour your boundaries, if you feel you only have 20 minutes to listen, say so at the beginning so the boundaries are clear or explain that now is a not a good time and arrange to connect when the time is right. To the best of your ability come from a place of acceptance and compassion and avoid judgement of them or their story. Be fully attentive to them and the energy between you.
"Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen." Margaret J. Wheatley
Simply listen - Many of us want to try to fix and make things better for the other person, yet the most beneficial way is for them to work through whatever is arising and to find their own solutions. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain or confusion or whatever their experience is, to explore it and then they may feel empowered to move through it. Telling someone they need to be strong or things will get better or something similar isn't effective longterm and can be disempowering. So try not to fix the situation or offer solutions unless they are invited. When listening our purpose isn't to make a person feel better, simply by having their experiences heard in a non-judgemental and accepting way can allow things to shift and heal.
The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed—to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. (Paul Parker)
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Focus on the speakers perspective - while it's useful to be able to identify with their experience, telling someone of your similar experience is not usually helpful, so try not to habitually compare their situation to one that you have experienced. It is of course fine if you are having a two way conversation, however if you want to encourage a person to explore their experience, your story isn't what they need to hear, at least not until they have worked through their own stuff. It can take from what the speaker is saying and turns the attention away from them. Occasionally it may be appropriate to share your own experience, use your intuition on when that feels right. You could check with the speaker if they'd like you to share what happened to you, though mostly I find it best to stay with what the speaker is sharing.

In order to acknowledge their experience and what they have shared, you can reflect back to them what you heard them say, for example "You felt very angry when that happened". Such a reflection does a number of things, it shows that you are listening, that their feelings or expressions are valid and enables them to go into more depth around the issues. In focussing on the other person you may notice the subtleties of body language, tone of voice... etc which can sometimes indicate more than their words and again if appropriate you can reflect back what you notice.

Don't engage in a drama or exaggerate the situation, sometimes what is being shared may arise feelings in you, acknowledge these internally though put them aside you can always return to explore them yourself at a more appropriate time.

Become comfortable with silences - For many silences or gaps in conversation cause discomfort and they rush to fill the quietness with something. However allowing a silence lets the speaker know that you are there for them and ready to listen when they are ready to speak. Speaking in order to break a silence usually ends up in directing the speaker in a different direction, than what may have otherwise arose next. If you do feel to ask questions, do so for clarity and understanding. The facts or details usually don't matter. If you do feel to ask questions try to keep them open ended, you could you phrases like "How was that for you?" to encourage more disclosure or as I mentioned earlier reflect back what you have just heard.
Acknowledging pain

This is an excellent video relating to how to support a grieving friend and the principles offered could be used with other challenging situations, not only grief. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain, to explore and accept it and then they may feel empowered to move through it.
Here's one more quote and a sweet cartoon by lunar baboon that illustrates what the value of letting go of the need to do anything and simply listen.
One of the easiest human acts is also the most healing. Listening to someone. Simply listening. Not advising or coaching, but silently and fully listening.
Margaret J. Wheatley
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With loving gratitude for all those who have shown me how to listen well and for my continued learning. I wish you well with your listening explorations,

Fiona
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Fiona is an Active Listening therapist, reflexologist, and experienced doula. She is passionate about living true to her heart and soul and empowering others to do the same. She runs various workshops related to the vibrancy of conscious plant based eating and women's issues including being childless/free and loves joining women in circle. Her website is www.fionareilly.co.uk or click here for her facebook page - True Living

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    My name is Fiona and this is a space where I express and explore some of my observations, contemplations and thoughts on life.

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