Feeling better is not about feeling good (sorry to disappoint those of you who may have been looking for a magic feel great recipe) Feeling better is about feeling what we are experiencing in a better way. It's easy to distract ourselves with so many things.

The challenges we experience arise as an opportunity to heal and more forward on our life's path. If we deny or surpress our difficulties they are likely to arise again or be triggered in a different format.

The only place we can find true and enduring love is within ourselves. Often it can be easier to love others than to love ourselves. The love that you give to others, can you find it for yourself? Are you able to accept yourself as the wonderful, loving being that you are? How can we truly love another if we don't love ourselves? Sometimes we can be unkind and critical of ourselves, however it is the times when we are gentle, compassionate and loving that we find the most joy and fulfillment in life. Let's love ourselves more and increase the joy in the world.

When we find the love within ourselves it naturally flows out from us to others and into the world around us. Do you recognise that feeling of joy and lightness when you fall in love? The world seems brighter and you feel more alive! However falling in love isn't really about the other person, it's about what they evoke within us. The love, joy and feelings we experience belong to us, though they are brought to the fore by our reflection in the other person or through a beautiful landscape or with appreciating the miracles of life.

"If you listen closely, you will discover that romantic love it isn’t where you discover true and lasting love. The kind of love you truly long for is found inside of you as you discover how to meet yourself in our own heart."
Mary O Malley

So how might we gratify our heart's longing for love and acceptance, for each of us the answers will be different. Can we free ourselves to fall in love with our own beautiful selves? Can we be gentle, loving and accepting of who we are (warts 'n all)? What aspects of living might help to evoke these feelings of joy and lightness from within? For me, it's being in nature, sitting quietly to meditate, intimacy with a partner, connecting with close friends, watching a baby and so much more... Every moment offers us the opportunity to open up to love.

From a young age we frequently create stories about how we are not good enough or unlovable. Hollywood and society in general has conditioned us to look for love outside of ourselves in a romantic partner that sweeps us off our feet! And we take on the burden of making ourselves perfect to gain this love. Yet we can never be perfect in that sense, we all have imperfections to help us learn and grow. It's liberating to accept ourselves in our imperfections. Finding the love within helps us to heal ourselves, our relationships and our world.

I often receive synchronicities and messages from the Universe and yesterday I came across a ladybird at an auspicious location. One of the messages of ladybird medicine which felt apt is that "As fear cannot exist amongst joy, the ladybug brings a message of promise, for they get us back in touch with the joy of living – we must let go of our fears and go back to our roots, to love." (www.shamanicjourney.com) Letting go of our fears is a life long journey, though with courage, gentleness and compassion we can find our way back to love.

How can you be more loving, kind and gentle with yourself today? How would it be to love and accept yourself exactly as you are, warts 'n all?

I leave you with a an old classic from three love legends - "'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all"

With love from my heart to yours, may you find your love within,

Fiona

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This Festive Season, the gift I wish to be, to receive and give to others is my Presence. By presence I mean the ability to be totally in the moment, here and now, and it incorporates a heightened sense of awareness. When we are present and in the moment, we can accept what is and nothing needs to change. We are connected to the Universal Energy which is much greater than our selves. We may feel expanded, free and at peace.

When we are present rightness just is, we often can see our situation from a different perspective. It allows us to intuitively know where to put our attention and come back into alignment and balance regardless of what is going in our lives. However, when there is fear or doubt or the rational mind creeps in, then we loose presence and begin thinking or anticipating. It's not easy to be present all the time, often we forget or get lost in the drama of everyday life. Some days I am hardly present at all, I am planning future possibilities or thinking about the past or absorbed by emotions. We allow conditioning or my ego to take over. However, the wonderful thing is that every time we remember, we have the opportunity to return to the present moment and embrace the awesome gift that life is.

By becoming increasingly present we live from a more authentic and true place, it is easier to become aware of when we are acting through distorted patterning or conditioning. It encourages us to soften and to be more loving and compassionate towards ourselves and others. Our willingness to be present is a gift not only to ourselves but also to those around us, in the words of Thich Nhat Hanh "When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?” In my therapy work, the more present I am the greater my connection with the Universal energy. From here anything I need to be aware of or do simply arises via my “intuition”, which is much wiser than my “small mind”. This video with Eckart Tolle and Oprah Winfrey illustrates the value of remaining present and in the here and now, Eckart says “Be true to life by being true to this moment” and that’s True Living!!!!

This Festive Season, rather than (or as well as) offering traditional gifts to those you love and care about, why not also give them your Presence. Your time, tenderness and compassion is the best gift they can receive. When you are more connected to yourself, it is easier to connect with others. Thich Nhat Hanh stated “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” In our Western world which is swamped by consumerism and busy-ness, the gift of presence is something we can all appreciate. Rumi comments on how Presence is worth more than anything that money can buy "I never really cared for the things of this world. It was the glow of Your Presence that filled it with beauty."

I'd love to hear of your experience and what Presence means to you?

May the beauty of your Presence bring light to the world this Solstice and midwinter season, you are a blessing in the world and the world is grateful that you are here fulfilling your purpose.

With love and blessings, Fiona

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Tips for effective listening

The gift of being heard is something really precious. Having someone listen attentively to our expression or story is very healing and can enable us find our own understanding, acceptance, balance and joy again. Listening sounds like a very simple thing and indeed it is, yet many of us struggle to listen effectively. Being a good listener requires being present and fully attentive to the other. It is not about offering advice or fixing anything or making the other feel better, it's simply being there and paying attention.

So how might we listen more effectively... there are many things that can help! Below I outline four suggestions that I have found to be fundamental to good listening.

Be Present - Initially, it is vital to be present and with the speaker, to give them our full attention. If possible find a quiet place for a listening exchange where you are unlikely to be disturbed. Turn off phones and any background noise. Honour your boundaries, if you feel you only have 20 minutes to listen, say so at the beginning so the boundaries are clear or explain that now is a not a good time and arrange to connect when the time is right. To the best of your ability come from a place of acceptance and compassion and avoid judgement of them or their story. Be fully attentive to them and the energy between you.

Simply listen - Many of us want to try to fix and make things better for the other person, yet the most beneficial way is for them to work through whatever is arising and to find their own solutions. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain or confusion or whatever their experience is, to explore it and then they may feel empowered to move through it. Telling someone they need to be strong or things will get better or something similar isn't effective longterm and can be disempowering. So try not to fix the situation or offer solutions unless they are invited. When listening our purpose isn't to make a person feel better, simply by having their experiences heard in a non-judgemental and accepting way can allow things to shift and heal.

Focus on the speakers perspective - while it's useful to be able to identify with their experience, telling someone of your similar experience is not usually helpful, so try not to habitually compare their situation to one that you have experienced. It is of course fine if you are having a two way conversation, however if you want to encourage a person to explore their experience, your story isn't what they need to hear, at least not until they have worked through their own stuff. It can take from what the speaker is saying and turns the attention away from them. Occasionally it may be appropriate to share your own experience, use your intuition on when that feels right. You could check with the speaker if they'd like you to share what happened to you, though mostly I find it best to stay with what the speaker is sharing.

In order to acknowledge their experience and what they have shared, you can reflect back to them what you heard them say, for example "You felt very angry when that happened". Such a reflection does a number of things, it shows that you are listening, that their feelings or expressions are valid and enables them to go into more depth around the issues. In focussing on the other person you may notice the subtleties of body language, tone of voice... etc which can sometimes indicate more than their words and again if appropriate you can reflect back what you notice.

Don't engage in a drama or exaggerate the situation, sometimes what is being shared may arise feelings in you, acknowledge these internally though put them aside you can always return to explore them yourself at a more appropriate time.

Become comfortable with silences - For many silences or gaps in conversation cause discomfort and they rush to fill the quietness with something. However allowing a silence lets the speaker know that you are there for them and ready to listen when they are ready to speak. Speaking in order to break a silence usually ends up in directing the speaker in a different direction, than what may have otherwise arose next. If you do feel to ask questions, do so for clarity and understanding. The facts or details usually don't matter. If you do feel to ask questions try to keep them open ended, you could you phrases like "How was that for you?" to encourage more disclosure or as I mentioned earlier reflect back what you have just heard.

Acknowledging pain

This is an excellent video relating to how to support a grieving friend and the principles offered could be used with other challenging situations, not only grief. The way to help someone feel better is to encourage them to be with their pain, to explore and accept it and then they may feel empowered to move through it.

Here's one more quote and a sweet cartoon by lunar baboon that illustrates what the value of letting go of the need to do anything and simply listen.

With loving gratitude for all those who have shown me how to listen well and for my continued learning. I wish you well with your listening explorations,

Fiona

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Roslin Glen is bursting forth with vitality and colour as Summer arrives filling us with delight and enthusiasm. Bealtaine or May Day has passed and the sun is out - Hurrah! It's a great time of year for foraging in the Glen, particularly for scrumptious nettles and wild garlic. The nettles are young, tender, juicy and full of flavour at the moment and are a nutritious addition to any dish. They are rich in various minerals and vitamins including vitamin C, A and B and high in iron, magnesium and chlorophyll. They are of immense medicinal value too and have been used for centuries in various traditions. They can be extremely helpful for conditions such as hayfever, eczema, osteoporosis or joint pain and much more. I have included two links at the bottom of this article if you would like to read more about their magical properties :)

Fresh nettles can be eaten raw (though fresh ones can prickle your mouth) or cooked. They can also be dried to make a tea to see you through the year and since they are in such abundance it seems a shame not to make good use of them. They are best in the Springtime, when the leaves are juicy and sweet, as the season progresses the older nettles tend to become more bitter and tough (though still very good!). When nettle foraging I tend to take a scissors, pair of gloves (or at least one glove for my picking hand) and a bag with me. I cut the nettles two or three inches from the top, usually with 6 or 8 leaves. Before cooking I rinse and wash them in a colander.

One common area of confusion is the difference between wild garlic and wild leek, both are edible, so you can pick and enjoy both. The wild garlic has much wider leaves, it lasts later into the season and has a large headed flower. Wild leek is not indigenous and threatens the habitat of the wild garlic. It has a narrow leaf and a small white flower. At this time of year you can see yellow seeds at it's tip. These too are edible though quite strong - you have been warned! As the wild garlic is competing with the leek I am mindful of where and how much I pick, while I sometimes take up the wild leek including the bulb to give the garlic a better chance of surviving. Here are a couple of photos to illustrate the difference between the two...

Nettles are very adaptable and can be used to replace spinach in your favourite recipes. You can't really go wrong so add them to whatever you are cooking, make a stock or blend a little into your smoothie or juice. And as I already mentioned they can be dried to make tea.


Wild garlic and wild leek can be eaten raw in salads or cooked, simply add to soups or other savoury dishes. In the picture opposite I used wild garlic in bruschetta and served it with salad. The exciting possibilities are limitless. Here are some more suggestions below that may inspire you... have fun!

Ingredients

• 100gms of seeds (sunflower or pumpkin or a mixture of both)
• Juice of a lemon
  
• Colander of nettles
  
• Around 8 wild garlic leaves
• Salt or tamari to taste
• Small carrot grated
• A dash of extra virgin organic olive oil
  

Method
Soak about 100gms of seeds overnight, can be sunflower or pumpkin or a mixture. Drain the seeds and blend all the ingredients together - it's that simple!

Ingredients

2/3 potatoes
Quarter a block of creamed coconut
tsp of vegetable stock
Salt and pepper to taste
Bag of nettles and some wild garlic
Any other green veg you might have such as chard, courgette or broccoli


Method
Cook the potatoes for 10 or so minutes, add courgette, broccoli (or whatever greens you might be using), creamed coconut and stock. When the potatoes are beginning to soften add the nettles and wild garlic, you only want to briefly cook them to preserve their nutrients.

Simply create your usual stir-fry, and add the nettles and wild garlic towards the end. Get creative :)

Here is a related article by my friend Trinity on the Benefits of Nettles including another soup recipe. Incase you were in any doubt about the healing properties of nettles here's a short article with 29 benefits of nettles. And if you are someone who enjoys a tipple now and then nettle wine is a traditional country wine that's enjoying a bit of a resurgence. It is a very dry, crisp wine that "retains a bit of a prickle" according to Lyme Bay Winery manager James Lambert. The winery recently made 3,000 litres of its unusual tipple using 40kg of nettles.

I hope to meet some of you in the glen with your foraging kit and would love to hear how you get on or let me know if you have any questions...

Happy Summer, Fiona

Fiona is a doula, reflexologist, therapist and plantbased foods enthusiast based in Roslin. She regularly holds workshops in Roslin and Edinburgh entitled "The Joy and Vibrancy of Plantbased Eating" and prepares vegan food for families and groups, as well as hosts vegan potlucks. She also runs healing retreats and is an airbnb host. She loves Roslin and connecting with the community here. Her website is www.fionareilly.co.uk or follow her facebook page - True Living