Each and every one of us is beautiful and magnificent exactly as we are. By simply being our true selves our unique and exquisite light shines. Yet, so many of us are disconnected from this truth, we feel inadequate and less than. So many of us want to fit in, to be like others, to be accepted. Yet what matters is being who we truly are and expressing our unique authentic beingness - how joyful and liberating is that! In the world we currently live in being our true selves is not always easy or straightforward...

Theodore Roosevelt once said that "Comparison is the thief of joy". When we compare ourselves or our achievements to others, we make one thing more and something else less than. Many years ago I was comparing myself to someone vibrant and gregarious, and feeling less than in comparison. A wise and dear friend used the analogy of different types of tea cups. She explained that while I might resemble one of those delicate and ornate china cups, the other person was more like a large, beautifully crafted pottery mug. Both these cups are beautiful, yet totally different. This analogy really helped me to see the uniqueness and splendor in each and every one of us.

If I may continue with another tea related analogy, we all are drawn to particular tea cups and tea flavours that we enjoy. In a similar way we are drawn to particular people with whom we resonate, and particular people are drawn to us. We are not everyone's cup of tea and that's absolutely okay. Be exactly who we are and we will draw exactly the right people to us. No matter how wonderful or inspiring or apparently "perfect" we are, there will always be people who don't resonate with our vibe nor even particularly like us - and that is okay! I will reiterate - If we can just simply be who we are, we will draw the right people to us.

We are each a unique expression of the Oneness of all Life, and as a unique expression we have our own gifts and beauty. Others are different from us. We will resonate more with some people than others and there will be people who challenge us and push our buttons and that's okay. These people are a gift in our lives too, they invite us to look inside at what is challenging us and encourage us to work on our own distortions and blockages. So many of us experience a need to be liked by others, that somehow validates us and makes us okay. Yet it is vital that we find a sense of being whole and complete, of being loved from within.

We live in a world that places value on certain characteristics, such as achievements, efficiency, cleverness... etc. This can drive competition. Alternatively, if we trust and feel confident within ourselves, it doesn't matter what is happening with others around us. We find the joy in our unique expression. I love being part of a supportive doula network where we encourage and inspire one another. When I go and meet a potential client I encourage them to meet other doulas, as I know that it is so important to find the right person to work with. Working in this way is so refreshing and liberating.

I find this video really inspiring where Colbie Caillat, tired of being photoshopped and turned into something "perfect", makes a point about our natural beauty and the things we do so that people like us... Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Ultimately it comes down to do you like you? Can you love yourself and embrace who you are exactly as you are, warts and all? If you like you then you don't care what others think or feel about you, it simply doesn't matter. This doesn't mean that you don't consider others or that you are superior, you just are magnificent you.

You don't have to try so hard or change a single thing, you are wonderful, beautiful and perfect just as you are (including your imperfections - and we all have them). I leave you with the words of Cyndi Lauper...

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Our souls are inherently free and joyful, our life purpose is to express our authentic beingness. As well as experiencing the joy and freedom within life, our soul wants to take us to all those challenging places where we get stuck and tight. Why? So that we can work through and be free of our old patterns, conditioning and karma, that which no longer serves us and prevents us from being free. These things cause us to forget who we truly are and in working to release them, we return to lightness, liberation and joy again.

In life we are presented with a vast array of experiences, some we perceive as good and others bad. Though ultimately they are all wonderful opportunities for learning and evolving at a soul level. We have a tendency to go towards that which brings us comfort and ease, and avoid that which we find disagreeable. The Buddha saw craving and attachment as the root of all suffering. We often swing from either craving something or trying to avoid something else. This keeps us from the present moment, rather than accepting and experiencing what is as it is. Ultimately our circumstances are neither good or bad, they just are.

There is a book by Mary O Malley with a fantastic title - "What's in the way is the way".  She asks the question what if your uncomfortable challenges were for you? What if they are the fuel for your awakening and becoming. I have frequently found that situations that I would not choose, have been my greatest life lessons and most valuable gifts. The timeless poet Rumi states "Seek not for love, rather to remove the blocks to the awareness of love's presence." So one of the keys to dealing with life's challenges is acceptance of what is, exactly as it is. Remember that through the natural law of attraction, you have drawn the perfect circumstances to you for your evolution and growth.

Rather than denying, suppressing or resisting your experiences, why not become curious. Explore what is being presented to you in life and what feelings or emotions are arising no matter how awful they appear to be. Awareness is an invaluable tool, as Eric Hoffer stated that "To become different from what we are, we must have some awareness of what we are." If we travel through our life without questioning or exploring, nothing will ever change. Simply observing and bringing attention to our distortions, old patterns and behaviours that no longer serve us, we enhance the possibilities for transformation.

Witnessing and exploring our shadow sides and discomfort is not easy. It may seem less onerous to turn away and put our attention elsewhere. It is for this reason that the world is full of distractions, addictions and things that enable us to become numb to our true feelings - technology and dense foods for example. However these things don't work in the long run, at least not if we want to develop and grow. Here is another poem from Rumi where he invites us to welcome all our experiences.

It's important that we fully embrace all our experiences, and be totally open and honest with how we are feeling. If we don't acknowledge our pain, it remains hidden and playing out in the background of our lives. For example we may have a challenge with a colleague at work that is causing us stress, if we ignore or deny it, it may be that it comes out sideways in that we take it out on our family or it slowly builds until one day we inappropriately explode with our colleague. Or perhaps it expresses itself physically in the form of illness or dis-ease.

By going to the heart of our pain and feeling it deeply, we enable it to shift and release. Openhand's 9 Step Process can be really helpful in navigating our way through such experiences. It is helpful to remain mindful of the breath to assist in keeping us centre and grounded. Be with what is in all it's fullness, while remembering that it's all okay exactly as it is. When you get to the depth of your pain, it can dissolve all by itself and soul can infuse through you. It's not always easy or straightforward, so if it becomes too intense and/or prolonged, take some time out and find some joy and lightness again. It may be that there may be a overspill initially if you have stored emotions or trauma over a long period of time. Seek the support of a trusted friend or therapist if you need to or call on the benevolent guidance of the Universe. You will come out the other side lighter and freer, what else is there to do?

There is always something to learn from every experience, in fact perhaps the only "mistake" we can make is not learning from our experiences - "You live, You learn!"

I wish you the very best with the challenges you meet in your life, remember the only way out is through. It's not easy, yet undoubtably you can do it!

Namaste, Fiona

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