Deciding to have a doula present at your birth is not right for everyone, though it is a choice that many people are now making for diverse reasons. If the idea of having a doula to support you before, during and/or after childbirth resonates, feel free to get in touch with a local doula for a friendly chat. Don't let cost get in the way of contacting someone to explore possibilities, most doulas offer reductions or exchanges and are open to negotiating something that works for you both.

When looking for a doula, it's not usually their expertise or how many courses they have done or the "package" that they are offering that is important. Primarily it's about connection, trust and relationship. It's about who you feel comfortable to invite to be present with you at a very sacred and intimate time. A time when you transiton from the woman you are to the mother you will be when you birth your baby. Feeling safe and secure is an important contributing factor to a smooth birth and so you want someone with whom you feel positive and secure, someone who helps to raise your oxytocin levels :)

Here are some questions to contemplate when choosing the doula that is right for you and your family:

• How do I feel in the presence of this person?
• Is this someone I can imagine hanging out with for a couple of days? Do we "click"?
• Do I feel strong and empowered with the support of this doula?
• Do I trust this doula? They will be sharing quite intimate moments with you.
  
• What is particularly important for me in a doula? Which doulas meet those needs?
• What does my gut instinct say about working with this doula or which one is the right one for me?
• If you have a partner how do they feel about each doula you meet? Do they feel supported and included?

As a member of the Scottish Doula Network and Conscious Birthing I encourage you to meet lots of doulas so that you find the doula that is right for you and your family. Each doula is unique and has various qualities and skills to offer. Sometimes we may suggest another doula that we feel would be a good match for you. We encourage you to trust your instincts and gut feelings. Pregnancy and birth is a time when we are particularly connected to our own truth and have a heightened sense of knowing.

You can read some testimonials about the benefits of doulas here.

I wish you all the best for your birth journey and beyond, if you have any questions or comments feel free to get in touch.

Fiona

For a woman without a child of her own, Mother's Day can be a challenging time. It can bring to the fore any pain, grief or sense of loss associated with not being a mother. Yet, we are all mothers, we all give birth to new life and create awesome things, whether it be in a physical, intellectual, emotional or spiritual form.

As well as celebrating mothers, this Mothering Sunday I celebrate women without children, a diverse group that bring invaluable gifts of love and beingness to the world. I celebrate your mothering qualities, your love, generosity, strength, passion and awesomeness. You have the right to a fulfilling and purposeful life, it may be that you don't have children, though you are of immense value to the world. I encourage you to find your truth and rightness and express it into the world. Let your beauty radiate outwards.

Traditionally Mothering Sunday was a time in the year prior to Easter, when servants would have the day off to go and visit their families and attend their "Mother" church. Interestingly Anna Jarvis who first introduced the concept of Mother's Day in 1914 was childless and intended that the celebratory day include aunts, godmothers and those who mother the children of others. I would like to honour women and mothering in the way that Anna Jarvis initially intended. Additionally in many indigenous cultures childrearing was the responsibility of the whole tribe and not solely that of the mother and father, so let's celebrate all involved in mothering.

Women who don't have children of their own, often mother other people's children and have a natural mothering instinct. They are aunts and godmothers, friends, teachers and guides, who are very much loved and play an invaluable role in the lives of the children they connect with. Sometimes mothering women may mother other adults, those with additional support needs or even their own parents. They may mother friends and support mothers who need a break from the constant care involved in childrearing. Many women dedicate their lives to the care of animals or the environment. They offer oceans of love from the depths of their hearts. Today I celebrate these diverse women who play a vital role in society.

The womb is a creative space and those whose wombs are not used for procreation, give birth in many other beautiful ways. They give birth to projects, ideas and creations that enhance the world, just think of Oprah Winfrey, Jane Austen or Florence Nightingale for example. Yet your contribution to the world does not to be as ostentatious as these examples, even the small things we do in life make a big difference. Just be your wonderful self, shine your light and you brighten up the world. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said "To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded."

So for those who aren't mothers, how might you acknowledge and celebrate this Mothering Sunday (or any other day for that matter). Here are some ideas...

• It's important to acknowledge and work through any pain or issues you have around not being a mother. Grief is best worked through with another, so find a friend or therapist that you can share your experiences with.
• Find a way to express and honour your childlessness
• Join or initiate a women's circle for mutual support and sharing. I find being part of a women's circle a very nurturing and supportive thing to engage with. Or find a support group online, there is a facebook group entitled "Women - without children" you are welcome to join or email me and I will add you to our newsletter (fionareilly@hotmail.com)
• Be creative - give birth and energy to creative ideas and projects that inspire you.
• Borrow your friends children and take them to the park and have some fun!
• Mother yourself. We can so often easily give to others, yet not receive for ourselves. Do something for you, that brings you joy each and every day, be it a walk in nature, quiet time, some nourishing food or something else....
  
• Sometimes non-mothers lose touch with their femininity and body. Do something to connect you with your sensuality, maybe book a massage or have a bath with some essential oils.
• Celebrate your awesomeness in a way that feels right for you.

Whoever we are and whatever our circumstances we all valued and loved. We are all connected and part of the One Life. As a unique expression of this universal oneness, may our light shine... We shall shine! We are all connected and never alone.

I celebrate your awesomeness today and every other day.

With love and gratitude from my heart to yours, Fiona

Something very heartwarming, nourishing and healing happens when we gather in a circle as a group of open, conscious and like-hearted women. I find it difficult to express in words how fulfilling such soulful connecting can be. When women respectfully gather as equals, regardless of agenda or intention there is a rich opening and liberation that magically occurs. It touches my very core.

In the past and still today in many indigenous cultures, the idea of women coming together to listen and support one another was integral to community living. Women cooked, worked and looked after family together. The idea of the red tent where women gathered together during moontime is a beautiful tradition. In modern society there is less space for such communal support with more nuclear families and busy lives. It is something I value dearly and  increasingly experience more of this wonderful connectedness in my life (while I appreciate time alone too). Supporting one another is a very important aspect of the doula role.

When women gather consciously in circle, there can be a mutual respect, listening without judging or trying to fix things that simply happens. For each woman simply being heard and held in the space by the others present is enough. The willingness to openly share and be touched by each others stories, encourages particpants to be more forthcoming and expressive.

The feminine part of us is strong, empathic and compassionate. We feel our connection to Mother Earth. Being in conscious circles encourages us to connect with our wild feminine and our wholeness and supports us in expressing this more freely in our lives. It inspires and enhances my feminine creativity. A women's circle is a place where I feel accepted, valued, understood and equal. A safe place where I feel free to allow my intimacy and vulnerability be seen.

The content or aim of a group doesn't necassarily matter, though it can be useful to have a common bond or interest that unites those present. The intention may simply be to share our stories and explore what is happening in our lives with one another. There doesn't even need to be many words, it could be a dancing, meditating, singing or creativity circle. The value comes in the community spirit and connection, something that is way beyond words (which is probably why I find it difficult to articulate the value of women's circles, I knowingly feel it in my grateful heart).

I also acknowledge that it is not always plain sailing, women are strong and passionate and sometimes there will be divergence and challenges. Such challenges when openly communicated and respectfully explored offer great opportunity for personal growth and development. Sometimes it can be useful to name boundaries at the beginning of the circle, particularly if it is a new or less experienced group. It can be beneficial to name issues such as confidentiality, freedom or other things that help participants feel safe and build trust in the group and processes.

If this article resonates, perhaps you feel to join or initiate a circle of your own. There are always possibilities. If you have any questions or would like to explore further, feel free to get in touch.

I acknowledge that men's groups can also be wholesome and valuable places for men to connect and explore.

With gratitude, love and blessings as we connect heart to heart, womb to womb,

Fiona

One of my favourite ways of connecting when in circle is to sing together, this is one that encourages bonding among the sisters gathered:

Our mooncycle is one of life's natural rhythms, just like the seasons it ebbs and flows. It offers a wonderful opportunity to generate and regenerate. It follows a pattern of birth and rebirth, not only in relation to bearing children, also in relation to our creativity, expression and our ways of being in the world. The menstrual cycle is a gift - a physical reminder to attend to ourselves and our needs.

When we are in harmony with it's dynamic rhythm our moon cycle affords us wonderful opportunities to create, rest and be in balance in accordance with the rhythms of life. To deny this can keep us trapped and suppress aspects of ourselves and our authentic beingness. When we truly surrender and embrace our rhythm, we can deeply envelop the awesome power of the Divine Feminine within us.

Having more awareness of our moon cycle and the patterns of our rhythm can be of immense benefit, we can understand and harness the rhytmic changes and creativity cycle, rather than feeling confused and potentially overwhelmed by our experiences.

"Through our menstrual cycle experience
we are weaving our creativity.
Powerful women creating ourselves
creating the world"

Alexandra Pope

In the diagram below I relate each hormonal phase to a season, an archetype and an aspect of creativity. During the initial two phases (preovulation and ovulation) our energy tends to be more out in the world, we tend to be more proactive, social and seen. As we move through to post ovulation our natural rhythm is to turn more inwards, to become quieter and more reflective.

This is a time when our energy begins to rise and go outwards again. Post bleed tends to be a time when we become more dynamic and active. It's a great time for mental creativity, learning and planning. It's the time of the young maiden going out into the world. Like Spring it is an exciting time for new projects and new growth. Knowings and visions that have landed during moontime can be more deeply explored and researched.

This phase is a continuation of our outgoing, expressive phase, with more of an outward focus for creativity. It is a time when our energy levels tend to be higher and we are in an optimal space to communicate, support others and be of service to the world. It relates to the Mother archetype and as such represents the ability to nurture and develop new life and projects. Our energy is generally at it's height and expressing out into the world at this time of full moon.

Pre moontime is often a time when people experience pre menstrual tension or PMT as it is commonly known. Hormones fluctuate and change, and can lead to mood swings. Yet, this is not necessarily a negative thing. This is a time when we are often most in tune with our own truth including our distortions and blockages. There is an invitation to go inwards to be present with our experience, to feel it, express it (appropriately) and come through with new awareness, rather than projecting our experience outwards and onto others as can sometimes happen. We have a wonderful opportunity to work with whatever distortions are coming to our awareness and surrender into them, we can gain insights about our life and the stuff we need to work through and changes that would be beneficial to make.

In my experience, this is a time when I am most sensitive and in tune with my empathic gifts. Anything that I have suppressed or not dealt with during the previous month comes to the fore to be worked with. It is a time for looking back on what we have created, a more reflective time. It can also be a time for innovative, out-of-the-box thinking. It is related to the wild woman archetype.

This is a time when we benefit from turning ourselves inwards and resting, Jewels Wingfield coined the term "Radical Rest" as being invaluable here. When I am more restful during this period, I find the physical symptoms of  releasing and cramping much less intense. If we don't nourish our body and soul at menstruation our needs can get supressed and build up and at some point in the future are likely to come out "sideways". Getting adequate rest has been shown to increase productivity at preovulation/summer. It is potentially a time when your soul and spirit are repaired and taking space allows healing to naturally occur. It is a wonderful opportunity to release and let go that which no longer serves you.

"Any cycling woman knows the deep yearning
for solitude during her flow time.
Every ounce of our body and soul calls for rest
while our culture calls us to keep going,
no matter what"
DeAnna L'am

In traditional indigenous cultures moon time is an occasion for visioning. The traditional red tent is a place where women go to bleed together, removing themselves from community and working life. Within the red tent space, they  would receive visions and guidance and when they would return to the world they would share what they had seen with the men and planning of future actions would occur. In our modern lives it can be very positive and influential to create a methaphorical red tent experience, allowing ourselves the space for visions and inner knowings to emerge, then trust what we discover and bring it into the world postbleed. It can be useful to keep a journal of your dreams and insights at this time.

Below are some pointers to things that can help support you in your moontime, if some particular point resonates do explore it further elsewhere.

Honouring our cycle encourages us to come more fully into our power, strength and creativity. Let us work with our natural rhythm and creativity flow, uncovering and embracing our gifts.

"At her first bleeding a woman meets her power
During her bleeding years she practises it
At menopause she becomes it"

Traditional Native American saying

Here is a traditional women's honouring song for you to sing, move and express yourself to.

With blessings from my creative womb to yours,

Fiona

This week we celebrate World Doula Week.  I am very grateful for my doula journey and all that it has taught me.  I feel very blessed to have such a joyful and soul fulfilling "job".