“The deep roots never doubt spring will come.” 
                          
                              Marty Rubin



Spring has arrived with a burst of joy and enthusiasm at Avalon Rising.  The longer, brighter and warmer days provide plenty of opportunity and inspiration to spend time in the garden.  We've been clearing out the old in preparation for the new growth. It's delightful to see the vegetables growing and to begin planting more. Some awesome flowers are miraculously appearing too.

The birds are singing beautifully and we have a variety of feathery friends that come to say hello.  The robins and blackbirds are particularly sociable, and there is a busy little wren that occasionally hops by.  There is even an owl that can be heard hooting at night.

The personal retreats are going really well.  We currently have a 5 day retreat happening and there is one space remaining on one happening 8-10th of April. The personal retreats have been really inspirational and are proving very popular and beneficial for the guests who participate.  It's such a pleasure to welcome and hold the space for those who come.

It's also been great having Openhanders come to help out on work exchange!  Thanks to all who contribute and help make Avalon Rising such a special place to be. 

An abundance of nutritious and delicious kale, we are blessed!

One of our inquisitive feathery friends checking on progress and inspecting for worms.

A delightful purple crocus

Etta and Nicola currently here on personal retreat, already going deep within... a pleasure to have you beautiful souls at Avalon Rising

The sweet pea flowers will smell so divine, I can almost smell them already! 

Ben busy planting seeds in the green house.

Ben has been busy indoors too, creating this beautiful mural!  Awesome job, Ben :)

And look at this wonderful fishbone path that Archie built.

What a delightful red flower, gardens of abundance for sure :)

The months ahead are going to be truly special!

I recently embarked on a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat.  Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. The possibility of attending this silent retreat had been in my awareness for some time and finally the time arrived. So I enrolled on what was to prove to be a rich and powerful experience, though not in any of the ways I might have anticipated.  I commited to meditating for 10 days and yet on day 8 my soul signalled that it was aligned for me to leave.  A few years back I made a commitment to follow my path of truth at whatever apparent personal cost and that promise is more important than any other and so when I felt the pull to depart early, it couldn't be denied. Here are some of my insights around my Vipassana experience...

While I personally didn't resonate with all of the Vipassana teachings that were offered, I did enjoy practising the Vipassana technique. For the first three days of meditation, we focussed on observing the breath and a small area of the body around the nose, becoming increasingly aware of subtle sensations. Then on day 4 Vipassana itself was taught, which in my understanding is a technique that involves scanning the body observing physical sensations and eventually becoming aware of how the energy is flowing through you.

This technique advocates the dissolution of "sankaras", which could be described as distortions or patterned ways of behaving.  This dissolution happens through observing without judgement of or identification with the arising sensations. All distortions and patterned ways of reacting are said to originate from such sensations and apparently not reacting to them breaks the conditioned patterns of behaviour.  I question where the actual initial trigger point for us is or what it is. Is it these sensations or is it something else?

The practise took me to a deep place, it was delightful to watch and be the observer, without needing anything to change (including the discomfort in my body from sitting for approximately 10 hours a day).  It was wonderful to be in an environment with very few distractions and to allow the mind to relax and let go for such an extended period of time. I greatly value being the observer and watching my reactions to things. Yet, there is a subtle balance between being the observer and becoming distanced from our reality and experience.  With Vipassana equanimity of mind was the signal of success and progress. Such stoicism doesn't feel aligned to me, and leaves us potentially vulnerable to the supression or denial of our feelings.  Such suppression may appear to work for a while, though is it sustainable in the long term?  
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I believe we are here for a human experience to relate to life as it presents itself, to express from our souls and discover more about our true selves. We are here to feel, express and grow. I want to live fully in each moment and I don't feel that this is part of the Vipassana way. 

When I process energy my body tends to involuntarily jerk and shake.  I found that when I was meditating and letting go on day 7 this was beginning to happen and so it felt aligned to skip that evenings discourse and work with the energy that was flowing through me in the privacy of my room.  It felt like an infusion of soul was happening and while physically intense, afterwards I felt much clearer. The following day when in the meditation hall, similar vibrations began to move through my body. I was invited by the teacher to calm the movements down and to open my eyes to come out of meditation if I couldn't control it, as it wasn't helping my meditation practise and could quickly become a habit. This is a fair enough recommendation if the sole intention is to sit still and observe without the mind reacting.  

However for me this energy was spontaneously arising as I softened and surrendered into what I was feeling. It felt like healing was happening through that bodily expression and it was having beneficial effects in other ways.  It felt that such expression was more aligned for me at that point than sitting stoically. I know of people who have had deep spiritual experiences during Vipassana and have felt unsupported by the teachers who advocate observing without any expression or exploration. It feels like the teachers, while well-intentioned, are there to encourage you in following the Vipassana regime and are often ill equiped to deal with what may arise outside of these parameters. 

I then became aware that as an empath, I was sublty feeling energy of others in the room which was being supressed. I noticed this particulaly when I felt a tickle in my throat, then someone left the hall to cough and this experience was repeated a few minutes later. Seeing a hall full of people sitting so still, for hours on end makes me question whether people are authentically following the pull of their souls. It reminds me of attending a gospel music event and people sitting passively in their chairs, it just feels wrong to me.

The soul is vibrant and spontaneous. I felt with Vipassana there is a danger of becoming rigid within the form. Such intense focussing of consciousness could lead to an overriding of rightness. There is a risk of becoming fixed on the practise and not allowing one's unique expression to come through. I think that this is a danger not only with Vipassana, but with any practise we actively engage with.

For me the impulse to leave early arose spontaneously. It came to a point where it no longer felt right for me to follow the practise, infact when I tried, I just couldn't, my soul didn't want to explore the technique anymore. When I internally asked if it were right for me to stay my solar plexus would tighten and in contrast when I questioned if it were right to leave I would instantaneously feel open and expanded. My answer felt obvious through the sensations in my body, despite the fact that from a Vipassana perspective sensations are to be viewed equanimously. Our bodymind is a valuable communication tool and not be ignored. I had gained what was right for me and now it was time to leave.  ​​

Our soul led decisions often defy logic, in this situation I had only less than one intense day of meditation remaining and rationally it would have been easy to convince myself that since I had come this far I may as well complete the course. I wasn't finding it particularly challenging or feeling overly unsettled. Yet the truth doesn't need to make rational or logical sense. The possibility of leaving had previously arose on day 5, however at that point my guidance indicated that it was right for me to stay, there was more for me to experience and I'm glad that I waited and even more pleased that I left when I did!

So in conclusion, while there are potentially great benefits to participating in a Vipassana retreat and many have had profound experiences, I believe the real success is in following your own truth and doing what is right for you in whatever situation you find yourself in.

With love and blessings wherever your truth may take you, Fiona
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