What are boundaries?
"Boundaries are not fake walls or separation,
they are not division. They are respect."
Maintaining healthy boundaries
"When you feel yourself becoming
angry, resentful or exhausted,
pay attention to where you haven't set a healthy boundary"
At times saying "No" is the most compassionate thing we can do. It encourages and empowers the other to find their own way on their personal journey. At times our not assisting or fulfilling expectations may cause another to feel hurt or some other "unpleasant" emotion. Yet this may be exactly the experience that will help them to grow and evolve.
For example, there have been times in my life when I have been needy and engaged in the drama of situations. I wanted and expected those close to me to act in a particular way and support me. When they didn't it caused me pain and suffering, until I realized that I have all that I need and that the Universe supports me in other perfect ways. When I let go of expectations and become open, I always get exactly what I need and often in the most delightful of ways. I could not have received this insight if others hadn't remained true to their boundaries and for that I am grateful. Often by overly supporting others we disempower them.
It is liberating and empowering to take responsibility for our own experiences, and express out to the world when something is not okay for us or alternatively step forward for something that is right for us. I really appreciate when people are clear and express their boundaries even if it something that I do not want to hear or it causes apparent inconvenience. When we change or live our own truth, those around us are inspired and change too. In the words of Gandhi “Be the change you want to see in the world”, whether that be in your relationships, your working life or other circumstances.
Being of Service
Some helpful guidelines regarding boundaries
- Remain aware so that you can feel what is right for you and where you may need to introduce boundaries. By tuning into what is right for you, you will discover what is most aligned for all life.
- Ask "What is being invited now?"
- If you notice your energy becoming low or depleted after certain engagements, question why this is so and if some boundaries need to be implemented?
- Express your needs clearly to the relevant people
- Say "Yes" because you really want to, then you do so with joy and lightness in your heart.
- Begin with small steps, establishing boundaries or saying no is not always easy, especially if we are accustomed to pleasing others or care about what others think. Start with small things and you may be surprised by the positive responses you receive.
- Seek support from others, if you are struggling to implement and communicate healthy boundaries in your life.